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MY POEMS, OR TWO by Charles Schwartz
 ??? Inner feelings are not always easy to express. Sometimes we’re too shy, too uncomfortable, or just don’t know how to string together words to effectively say what we mean. We want to touch our loves in ways that are special –ways that convey how much they mean to us. Poetry says all the things you may have difficulty articulating. For example:
Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass
Poet, Ted Hughes, UK's Poet Laureate, once wrote: "Poetry is one way to unlock the doors of those many mansions inside the head and express something— perhaps not much, just something— of the crush of information that presses in on us....Something
of the deep complexity that makes us precisely the way we are....
Something of the inaudible music that moves us along in our
bodies from moment to moment like water in a river..."(PIM.124)
LIMERICKS
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.
*****
There once was a lady, Ilene,
Who lived on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
and since then she'd never benzene
*****
There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside
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“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
--Robert Frost
EARS (a poem for all ages)
A question for you: Should a poem express imaginative ideas, to describe someone or an event, to express strong feelings on a particular subject, to persuade or dissuade a certain mindset or change of heart, to inform or reform, to explain, educate, incite, ntertain, celebrate, or to simply tell a story? The purpose of the poem should be apparent to the reader. What was the poem meant to do?
"Imagination is more important than nowledge." ~ Albert Einstein (see this amazing example of imagination). This poem was nominated poem of 2005 for the best poem, written by an African kid !!
When I born, I Black,
When I grow up, I Black,
When I go in Sun, I Black,
When I scared, I Black,
When I sick, I Black,
And when I die, I still black...
And you White fella,
When you born, you Pink,
When you grow up, you White,
When you go in Sun, you Red,
When you cold, you Blue,
When you scared, you Yellow,
When you sick, you Green,
And when you die, you Gray...
And you calling me Colored??
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POETRY REPAIR If you want to define poetry, and sharpen your skills...
Read many books about writing poetry and what editors look at when they read submitted poems. I found some things they all seem to look for:
The beginning of the poem Is the poem titled? Untitled?
Will that have an impact?
Is the first few lines strong?
Does it set the tone of the poem?
The middle
Does it contain enough imagery?
Do metaphors or similes work in this poem?
Are parts of the poem weak?
Where is the point of view coming form?
Is it consistent throughout the poem? Any odd wording that just doesn't fit?
The ending
Does the ending fit the rest of the poem?
Is it overwritten?
Did the poet try to hard to close it?
Could the poem be written without an ending?
An overview
Are the line breaks right for the poems flow? Can punctuation be improved upon?
Can this poem be made stronger?
Is there rhetoric, generality, abstract words?
Can this poet develop it in any way?
REPAIRING A POEM:
Eastern sun setting on the waves
Eastern suns don't set
Pale moon arise. arises
Hark the night, smooth and sly, 'hark' is archaic for 'listen'
Farwell sweet sunrise.
Farewell, but to the sun, not sunrise
In the dark, cold awakens. Cold can be improved- Chill is soon to come.
Turn your face, shroud your fear.
Enshroud is the verb.
From Death's approaching hum.
No need to reveal the metaphor!
Warm is the human body. Warm' can be improved.
And naïve the spirit of Man.
In the Dark, evil awakens.
Hide if you can
'hide' can be improved
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When choosing replacement words and phrases, let's keep in mind your metaphor of sun setting and night arriving. We'll stick with that instead of just leaving it in the first paragraph.
SOME REPAIRS:
Fiery sun setting on...
Bids a pale moon arise...
Thus the night, smooth and sly,
Says farewell to day skies.
In the dark, a chill awakens...
Its bite is soon to come...
Hide your face, enshroud your fear, From final feelings numb.
Ardent is the human body...
Though — the spirit of Man.
In the dark, an evil awakens...
Flee westward if you can. (fracturered result)
from Philip Dacey
The Blue Ribbon Rejection Letter
We are sorry we cannot use the enclosed.
We are returning it to you.
We do not mean to imply anything by this.
We would prefer not to be pinned down about this matter.
But we are not keeping—cannot, will not keep—what you sent us.
We did receive it, though, and our returning it to you is a sign of that.
It is not that we minded your sending it to us unasked.
That is happening all the time, they come when we least expect them, when we forget we have needed or might yet need them, and we send them back.
We send this back.
It is not that we minded.
At another time, there is no telling. . .
But this time, it does not suit our present needs.
We wish to make it clear it was not easy receiving it.
It came so encumbered.
And we are busy here.
We did not feel
we could take it on.
We know it would not have ended there.
It would have led to this, and that.
We know about these things.
It is why we are here.
We wait for it. We recognize it when it comes.
Regretfully, this form letter does not allow us to elaborate why we send it back.
It is not what we wanted.
We hope this does not discourage you. But we would not want to encourage you falsely.
it requires delicate handling, at this end.
If we had offered it to you, perhaps you would understand.
But, of course, we did not.
You cannot know what your offering it meant to us,
And we cannot tell you:
There is a form we must adhere to.
It is better for everyone that we use this form.
As to what you do in the future,
we hope we have given you signs,
that you have read them,
that you have not misread them.
We wish we could be more helpful.
But we are busy.
We are busy returning so much.
It all comes so encumbered.
And there is no one here to help.
Our enterprise is a small one.
We are thinking of expanding.
We hope you will send something.
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